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Columns
Friendship
“We can stay friends, can’t we?” This is
probably the most commonly used expression when
a love relationship ends. It is an open door. An
expression without substance. For friendship of
itself involves life. Life that you would want
to hold onto when the ‘life’ is gone. Gone from
love. Impossible, seems to me, though there must
be examples that prove the opposite.
Friendship is a beautiful thing. Even more
beautiful than love, I dare to say. Real
friendship lasts an entire life. It does not
wear out, does not lose its colour or lustre.
Real friendship allows you to breathe. It gives
room to be who you are, to do what you want.
I carefully try to explain to my children that
true friends do not come in dozens. That often
they suddenly stand next to you, totally
unexpected. They lay a hand on your shoulder.
Look you in the eye with a sign of recognition.
Friends recognize each other as such. Even if
they don’t know each other yet. That’s an
understatement. I realize that. For knowing a
person is not the same as knowing facts and
figures. You don’t need to know everything about
each other. I once had a friend who held me
upside down to shake my every thought out of me.
Every sigh got a label. Every song a sound. It
became an endless litany. You’ll understand.
Especially because shaking gives such a mess. So
much for that. Another friendship failed to hold
up because of assumptions. What the one
experienced as love was a noncommittal game for
the other. That won’t hold. Of course. So
whoever says that friendship is easy is
mistaken. Easy is for the dumb. I keep saying
that time and again. Kicking up some fuss.
That’s OK, isn’t it? I’ve had dumb friends.
Never for very long, they were too dumb for that.
But long enough to look dumbness straight into
the eye. Dumb means not getting it. But dumb is
also not wanting to get it. That’s even far
dumber. Looking as if you see water burn. That
kind of look. One Recognize it? One thing. When
I see it, then the friendship is over. So there
is no lifelong guarantee. Every friendship.
A step further is friendship between men and
women. Quite a feat. For attractiveness, passion
and lust can obstruct friendship in a serious
way. Whoever manages to keep these three at bay
can uphold unselfish friendship between a man
and a woman.
How to go about this? I have no readymade
solutions. I try. And do. And sometimes totally
lose my footing. But sometimes not. A new
friendship is born then. And life can go on. I
invite you to come and see it. Starting in
February 2012. My latest friendship. On stage.
Double bass player Harry Emmery and I. Words and
dance join.
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Written on 1 December 2011 |
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